So you think you want to get into speed skating? Well, let me save you the trouble and tell you right now that it’s a load of bollocks. But hey, if wasting your time and risking injury is your thing, then by all means, read on.
The Pointless Pursuit of Going Fast in Circles
Speed skating is essentially just going fast in circles on ice. I mean, seriously? Is this what we’ve come to as a society? We have so many pressing issues in the world today, but sure, let’s spend our time perfecting the art of gliding around an oval track like a bunch of bloody penguins.
A Sport for Masochists
If torturing yourself sounds appealing to you, then speed skating might be right up your alley. Not only do you have to endure freezing temperatures while wearing skin-tight suits that leave nothing to the imagination (not exactly modest attire for us conservative folks), but one wrong move and BAM! You’re flat on your arse with broken bones or worse.
The Cult-Like Culture Surrounding Speed Skating
Oh boy, don’t even get me started on the cult-like culture surrounding this ridiculous sport. These speed skaters are like their own little exclusive club with their fancy lingo and secret handshakes. It’s like they think they’re part of some elite group because they can skate really fast in circles. Give me a break!
In Conclusion: Find Something Better to Do With Your Time
In conclusion (if there even needs to be one), speed skating is an absolute waste of time. There are so many other productive things you could be doing with your life, like volunteering at a local charity or learning a useful skill. So do yourself a favor and steer clear of this nonsensical sport.
